Today at this very moment, I feel so low. So sad. I don’t know what to think anymore. I’m stuck in Juvenile Hall, thinking about where I went wrong. I feel so bad about hurting the people I love so much. I just want to talk to them tell them how sorry I am and I never meant to hurt them at all.
What hurts me the most is when I look at the back of the courtroom and I see them all. I see him. How could he be so strong and still smile at me? I love him for that but I hate myself. When did I ever become so evil? I wish I could tell you my inner thoughts and let you know how thankful I am to have you in my life. I never want to regret losing you. So for you, I’ll take all the help I need to better myself.
I wake up thinking positive that one day I will be clean. That I can look at you and smile and not regret anything. I just hope you can wait a little longer for me. I know you’ve been waiting forever but don’t lose hope. I’m tired of being behind bars and stopping our dreams because of me.
It’s time to make a change and for us, I have hope I can change. Believe it or not, but throughout all the mistakes I’ve made, I still love you and will always love you because when I turn around in that courtroom, you’re there. Even when things don’t turn out right, you’re still there with a smile and I appreciate that and to show it back, I want to do things good for us because I know that’s all you wanted.
In these four years, every time I look back you’re there and it’s time we deserve this.