Home > Journal 2nd Issue > My Lifestyle

By: Erin Garrett
Age 16

My lifestyle is a living hell. Wake up in the morning, knowing that I’m in jail.
When I heard the sound of handcuffs, I thought I was tough.
Thinking, thinking, thinking my life is really rough.

Stopped going to school just thought that I could sit back and be cool.
Started doing drugs and joined a gang, now I’m living this life as a goon.
Standing on the corner, trying to get some dough.
I was only 11 when a guy told me, I was only 10 toes, that’s what I was.

Strugglin’ to make money all on my own, always on the corner standing alone.
He started grabbing girls, so I claimed my throne.
Standing on Fig, Walkin’ in different directions.
If I saw the sight of the pigs, I didn’t have no excuse not to work.
If I didn’t come home with the right amount of money, I was a fassho gon get merred.

what money cant fixIt’s funny when adults tell me to get a job
But at the end of the day they’re making 8 to 15 dollars an hour.
When I’m out there making more than $1,000 a day.
I talk to my mom on the phone, she tellin’ me to watch my tone.
But at the end of the day, she’s sittin’ on her ass,
Not working and not making any dough.
So in this situation, I pay the bills.
So in this relationship, I’m grown.

It’s crazy how my mom asks me why I’m with this man?
It’s funny how she asks this, because every other month
She’s getting beat by another man,
So she shouldn’t ask me any questions. That’s why I can.

Standing on the corner, walkin’ through the yous, that’s where I land.
Nobody couldn’t tell me nothin’. My dad was never in my life.
So I starting stressing everyday, pickin’ up that pookie pipe.

It’s crazy how cops say they’re trying to help me.
But at the end of the day when I was on Western,
I was about to go to jail but instead they raped me.
I told my ninja what they did to me,
the only thing he asked was, Did they pay me?

I’ve been with this guy for 2 years.
Now I’m starting to fear everywhere I go, he mysteriously appears.
While I’m out there he’s sittin’ at the laundry mat,
While I’m over here trying to get paid.

My dad doesn’t understand why I’m with this man,
But at the end of the day he never loved me
So what’s wrong with being in love with another man?

hoI stay out all day, all night, sunny, rain, cold
That’s why I do drugs, they make me stay out and be bold.
Girls stay down and come up
Best believe when yo ninja come lookin’
You better give the money and don’t leave.
I had to step my game up because he had a child named Kyle.
I was like a mother figure so I had to raise a child.

I as a gifted ho because I can see my family everyday
But I had to give him gas money
So I didn’t have any option but to stay down and pay.
I remember when I wanted to stay home
And he said, “You can’t turn a ho into a housewife.”
When I didn’t get up, he walked toward me with a knife.
I thought he was going to end my life
But instead he stabbed right in my thigh.
I think I learned my lesson that night
So the next morning we got in a fight
I’ve been to so many places, you wouldn’t believe
But at the end of the day
Something on my body had to hurt.
If not hurt, then bleed.

One month later in a hotel, I lay there naked, crying and sobbing.
Found out that I was 2 months pregnant.
3, 4, 5 months passed and my baby didn’t make it.
He didn’t care about the baby or me,
He just wanted me to make money everyday
So he can take the energy out of me.

I smoked so much meth, I used to be thick
Now when people look at me they say I look like a pick.
I remember when I left without permission
So he thought I was trying to ditch him
So when I came back that night he started bitchin’
He started callin’ out my name sayin’ I’m an unloyal bitch.

D9Y9CDBut I’m out there making money for him, chasin’ all these tricks
What happened to the man I used to love and miss?
Chasin’ after him, chasin’ after my wifies.
My wifies hated me because I was the bottom bitch
So they didn’t like me.

Runnin’ from pimps in every direction 100s, 80s, 60s every section
I started hoin’ in Vegas so I knew we were going to make it.
But the police stopped me and asked for my information
They said I looked young so they’re going to take it.
I sat in Country for 2 hours but for me it felt like days
Now I know not to get locked up in the middle of May.

It was his birthday, he was hangin’ with his partner
I was coming back from making money.
As I heard the scream of one of my wifies
I tried to run and see when someone grabbed me
I saw that it was his partner as he came from the backyard

I saw there was smoke. I asked him where the smoke came from
And he said “Your wifie’s dead, you thought I was a joke”
I couldn’t help but to try I’m just glad that I wasn’t the one that was supposed to die.

In and out of juvie, watchin’ all types of movies
The staff ask me “Why don’t you take life serious?”
And I say “You can’t see through me”
I never had a child life. Always got stabbed by knives
It got to the point I didn’t feel pain
Because it felt good when I felt the cut of the razor blade
Placement to placement I couldn’t take it.

Going back to the streets that’s where I made it
I always tell people I don’t believe in God
If He did love me why did He put me through a lot?

On Facebook as I log on and it says post a thought
I don’t have any choice but to tell the truth
About my setting and plot.
People don’t get me, they think I just play
Take a look at my background and pray
Just know I still have my faith.

I always got bullied because I’m too goofy
Take a tour through my life cause you can see through me
I’m so brainwashed, I lust for money.
Feelin’ good about myself when people call me honey
Getting your nails done, bundles of hair
As I put my makeup on at night, rushin’ and getting prepared.

To be honest, I’m so smoked out
I don’t know what to do.
I know what’s coming, I could be pregnant or dead
I know because I seem to have deja vu.
Damn I miss my family and all my goons
I’m tired of sharing rooms, always got beat by a broom
I just want someone to tell me to be in my house by noon.
Some girls do it because they think it’s fun
Most of the girls in this game are trying to run.

It doesn’t take him long to whoop your ass
They don’t care if you’re happy with class
You never know that night may be your last.
I’m tellin’ everybody I want to leave
But at the end of the day, this is what I want to be
I just want to make money and smoke weed.
This life is really messed up, you can’t try to run or ditch
Because as you’re leaving and walking away
Somebody gon pull up and snatch you and say “You’re my bitch.”

I remember when I wanted to go to church
My mom said “No.”
I turned around and said “Why?”
She said “Because you’re nothing but a ho.”
Everyday searchin’ for tricks trying to get paid
Celebrities always rappin’ about their pimpin’
Then when the camera people come they start bitchin’
A real pimp gon tell you What’s up?
They don’t care who listen.
Like I said this life is not a joke
I might end up pregnant or dead
Or lain’ in the hotel raped in the bed.

I’m so tired of walkin’ the streets
To me this isn’t a fame,
This is real life shit that goes on in the streets.
Late August I finally had this baby
I got locked up, so they took my baby.
I didn’t have a choice
So they made me.
Now I’m sitting in my cell
Rockin’ back and forth
Waiting for placement
So they can open another dorm
I like being in here
Because it’s a break
But the thing is how long I”m going to be here.
I’ve been here too long
I don’t know how long
It would take
I’m trying to get help
To stay off the streets
But everywhere I go
Money seem to follow me.